RB

Thank you for putting into writing so eloquently the ideas I have been struggling to apply to myself and my journey.

I was grabbed by the “double casualty” theory. I have always believed that the future is already what it will be. Actually far from being fatalistic, it can actually be a comforting feeling. Bad or good these things are part of a journey that is not pre determined as such, but in an odd way, has already happened.

Never quite able to fully articulate this feeling, I feel an affinity with the idea that the present influences the future, and in turn the future influences the present. An equilibrium of a sort maybe.

So what I question is, as the past has such gravity on the present and future, could we in turn influence the past? Can I now take control where there was no control?

But I think I’m beginning to understand through your thoughts about ‘god’ that, where I have always believed I had no power over my situation, in fact I was, and still am, powerful as part of a collective consciousness. My experience was a learning journey to understand and share. Perhaps by denying my experiences and influences I am cheating myself out of an opportunity for growth, and in turn rendering myself powerless.

I cannot negate the forces of karma, merely internalise them and weather the storm of negativity within myself. That is a choice I made. I chose to exact such strict control over myself. I felt that in order to keep that control I had to fiercely keep my authenticity protected and hidden. I considered myself a single insular being, but where is my power if I have internalised my wisdom, my pain, my authentic self. I think the power is in letting go, not holding tight.

As a child I felt powerless, but I was powerful. I had the power to experience, to see, to remember and to learn and grow. Maybe I actually did realise that power and influence on others simply by experiencing and being. Others may have seen through my eyes as I now empathise with others. Others’ life experiences could have been altered through a sharing of consciousness with that child. I was powerless to act, but by definition in this theory, my power isn’t just within my actions but in my being, growing, feeling and evolving.

Now I have the power to act but probably more important I have to power to share and that is something I have been reticent to do. I have felt powerful but I have been cheating by misrepresenting myself. I have made the decision to render myself powerless.

So, further to our discussion the other day, why was it so painful and frightening to meet myself as a child? Why couldn’t I hold her gaze without having to look away? Just maybe, she is not as afraid as I am, maybe she’s braver than me. Maybe instead of looking upon her with pain, regret and pity, I need to look harder, to admire her, listen to her and empathise. She has a lot to share and so much strength. I need to let her grow up and learn from her experiences instead of pushing her away as a regret, a shame. She was there, she sees through my eyes. SHe has shaped me and in turn our collective consciousness.

Nina

I’m a big fan of your fathers work, and it was through his site i came here. I’m glad i did. I’ll be sharing this with everyone i can. Brilliant reading.

All the best.

So your question is ‘what advice would I give for coming out the other side of training as a better therapist?’. Well I would suggest that you do therapy on yourself if you are to become a therapist. Working through your own psychology will help you be more present as a therapist, and for any unresolved issues you may have to ‘get out of the way’ and or to enrich through wisdom your dealings with others. Learn how to distinguish from learned knowledge and experiential knowledge, from didactic passive book knowledge to wisdom and lived experience. Always remember that what we learn about is true for that moment in time, or may be false and we have not found that out yet. Be critical in your reading and studies, that is: open minded, always being prepared to look at alternatives. Fanaticism is proof of insecurity, even with total loyalty to a particular modality in psychology. Beware of the politics involved in health care and ‘mental health’. Apparently it’s not always about the people but more about the numbers sometimes!

Cast a wide net and learn about Eastern and Western spiritual traditions. Also learn about the Arts and Humanities. Also learn about science. Learn about music. Develop enriching friendships and relationships by being a reliable, honest, authentic and trust worthy person. Stop bullshitting yourself and then stop bullshitting everyone else. Learn how to cope with feeling ashamed as this is the compass of your conscience and comes up when you don’t do the right thing. Learn how to sooth your own distress, to have self compassion and love for yourself, as well as for others – Be the man you want to respect. Act responsibly yet in a light hearted way. Never take yourself too seriously yet act meaningfully and commit to what you want/ believe in as you realize the brief nature of life in time. Read widely and do your own inner, personal work. Take up a spiritual / development practice, eg. zen buddhism or alchemy. It doesn’t really matter exactly which /what you do, as they are all contemplative. Put things in their proper context. Also learn about and exercise your body. Develop your mind and your brain. Be fit on all levels. Learn how to observe yourself and reflect on your actions without judgement, but with a firm mindedness around how to be who you truly are and to act in accordance with your deepest values, ever pursuing greater meaning in your life.

Never stop learning and remember to look after yourself and your own mental health! We’re all in this together, yet we need healthy boundaries. People can be wonderful and/or toxic, it depends how we respond. The way you let people treat you is what they will then believe they can get away with. Explore the depths of your own psychology and existence. And remember… just one step at a time. Have fun!